Friday, June 30, 2006

Na na na na...hey hey hey...goodbye

Dear MIL,
Listen to me and listen well. Your son? LOVES my father. LOVES him. Loves him like the father he never had, since he really didn't have a father. But we don't need to discuss whose fault THAT was, now do we?

Everyone loves my father because he is, well, lovable. You know who isn't? The whiny mother in law who stirs up drama by calling my mother (his ex-wife) to compain that he ignored you at my picnic last month. What could make them love you less? Upping the obnoxious factor by saying you would "tell him about it" next time you saw him.

What's a poor daughter in law to do, but throw an impromptu party where you are cordially invited to hang yourself in front of the only people in the past 78 years who have been willing to tolerate your shit.

Don't let the door hit your fat ass on the way out of my life,

P.S. Wanna hear something funny? When I ask my husband on any given weekend what he wants to do, he tells me to call my dad and see if they want to go out to dinner.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Oh, no you DIDN"T

so the PILS are coming to visit the third week of July. the hubs called them last week to see how his father was doing after a minor outpatient procedure.

hubs--"so mom, the kids are really looking forward to your visit."

MIL--"i was talking to a friend at church last sunday about the trip. she asked me what activities there are in indianapolis. i said i had NO idea. what exactly WILL we be doing there? how will we fill the time? (5 days) i DON'T want to be bored."

first of all, there is no way in hell she just said that! this from the person who said her heart was bleeding because we were moving her grandchildren far away, and she missed them every day. her heart "bleeds" for them, and she "misses them every day", but she doesn't know how she'll spend her time while visiting???? here's a suggestion---f*cking play with your grandchildren!

second of all, take heart ladies. sometimes the man of house gets some gumption.

hubs--"um, i don't know, mom. maybe you will spend your time SEEING your grandchildren? i guess it's good you're not staying longer, since you don't know how you'll pass the time for 5 days."

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Beach House Hell

MIL Dearest:

Why is it when we have to go on vacation with you, you can find no happiness or bright spot the entire time? When we were at your daughter's beach house, a beautiful new home a block from the ocean with its own pool, you still bitched incessantly. "The flight is too long" "Too many stairs!" "It's too hot!" "I hate the ocean!" "I hate the beach" "I'm not going out to eat again!" "I don't need to go shopping!" "The kids are too loud!" "Your father [my FIL] snores all goddamn night!" and it goes on and on, ad nauseum.

You really make it hard to enjoy a vacation when everyone (everyone being your children and grandchildren), seems to think they are obligated to make the trip worthwhile to you in which we sacrifice our own enjoyment. However, you insist on going each time. Next time we will arrange to get a camper for you to stay in so you don't have to participate in any of the activities or hear the laughter from the kids.

Vacation with the mother-in-law? ...Oxymoron.

Friday, June 16, 2006

It's in the genes.

It is not my fault no one in your family understands how to use email. Just be glad when I point out the glaring errors and save you from potential embarassment, mumble a thank you and then STFU. Do not call, write or email to ask if I have solved an entire family's worth of incompetence in between doing 3 loads of laundry and my volunteer project.

Friday, June 09, 2006

June Challenge

Fellow daughters-in-law:

As the summer is upon us, feel free to share your favorite "vacation with mildew" story.


Tuesday, June 06, 2006

When Irish mildews are smiling

You're the Alex Trebec of Ireland aren't ya? Is it really necessary to follow up a conversation by pointing out who was or wasn't Irish? It's a bit much, but more flattering than the way you lump other nationalities; you know, like "those italians."