Tuesday, May 30, 2006

So five minutes ago

You honestly have nothing to do but complain to me that your 43 year old niece has long hair and is too old for that style. Someone call the fashion police. This from the woman who wore a sweater and polyester pants to my wedding reception.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

alias

Dear MIL,

Why would you name your son something you never planned to call him? If it was your intent to call him by his middle name since the day he was born, why not save everyone the aggrevation and opt for the one you plan to use EVERY SINGLE DAY?

Thanks to you, we have to go by "First Initial-dot-middle name" on all important documents. As you may have guessed, most forms do not accommodate this quirk. So he chose to follow your stupid example from childhood, using his middle name as his first and the first initial as if it were his middle. All well and good for his boy scout badge, not so much on our car loan and credit applications.

As the bill payer and overall organized party of our household, I am the person who has to deal with these agencies. Like the phone company who won't speak to me because I gave the incorrect sequencing of his name last week. Or the bank teller who didn't want to cash a check on our account because they don't have his full name on file.

Only someone with your skill could mess up something so simple.

DIL

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

A mother's greed knows no season

Dear MIL,

While I want to extend a hearty thank you for agreeing to dogsit for one night so that we may attend an out of town wedding, I can't. Not when you use that as an opportunity to guilt trip your son into paying your car repair bill.

Ungrateful as ever,
DIL

P.S. After the car is repaired you need to start getting your own gas, and driving your damn self places.

Why lie

Dear MIL,
Why lie? You have told us for weeks that you were mailing boxes for the girls with some summer clothes in it and finally returning the stuff that we left there A YEAR AGO. So why did you call 10 days ago and tell your son that they were shipped when we learned yesterday that you hid them at your SIL's? What was the point in lying? Had we known this we would have gone out and bought the stuff that we left there for Aiden so that we could have it for Fletcher. But since you told us that you had sent it, we didn't bother. And now it looks like your second grandchild will be making an early entrance into the world and we have no car seat for him. Again I ask, why lie?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Sea of Bad Taste

Dearest MIL,

When someone sends you a birthday gift, the proper thing to do is say "thank you". I know that you suffer from an extreme lack of manners, but one can at least say "thank you" when one is on the phone with the gift-giver. yes, that's right--it went like this:

hubby (son)--"Hi, Mom. Happy Birthday! Did you receive the pears and apples? (as in, 2 dozen Royal Riviera pears and specialty apples from Harry and David)"

MIL--"Yes, I got them." (big pause)

hubby--"Well, you said that you and Dad really wanted to focus on eating healthier, so we thought you'd really enjoy them. We've had them, and it's really like eating dessert."

MIL--"I made a Waldorf salad with them. They taste about the same as the ones from Publix."

hubby (concerned)--"They are really supposed to be premium fruit. That wasn't our experience. I'll call and have them send another batch."

Notice in that whole conversation was NOT ONE "THANK YOU". So the hubby calls Harry and David, only to be told the whole truth. His mother called H & D and said the box was slightly smashed on one end, damaging one pear. They sent another 2 dozen pears and apples, along with truffles, cookies, and an assortment of other goodies. She still wasn't happy. So H & D sent the biggest tower of goodies they make, along with more fruit. The customer service rep told the hubby that "they really didn't know what else they could do to please this customer...any suggestions?"

My personal opinion is that she is greedy and selfish, and complained when there was really no problem in order to get more goods. Then, on top of that, she tells us that it tastes the same as fruit from the grocery store, and doesn't even utter a simple "thank you". Now, if you secretly consumed 6 DOZEN pears and apples, plus assorted goodies, could it really be bad fruit?

So in the words of my hubby, let me sum it up for you:

"She'll do frickin' anything to get what she wants. Now instead of being healthy, she's drowned the fruit in mayo and eaten massive amount of goodies. NICE. She'll be lucky to get anything next year."

Especially since I had to pick it out for her, dear hubby. If it were up to you, she would have gotten nothing ths year. I should have let sleeping dogs lie.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Mother's Day Challenge Post

SIL told hubby to buy gift card for MIL. He told her he will buy one at $50. She feels that $75 would be better. Our reason for wanting to stick with the $50? All gifts to us from MIL are from Amazing Savings (cheap, close out store) or are re-gifted from students in her class! So why should we spend our money on her? Argh.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

A Little Appreciation Is All I Ask

Dear MIL,

I think I need to inform you about the wonders of technology. There is this amazing invention called the computer that can inform you, up to the minute, when something, like a bouquet of flowers, has been delivered to someone's house. It is a helpful way to make sure a gift you painstakingly picked out, spent a lot of money on and sent to someone's house gets delivered safely and on time. Thus, I knew that the bouquet I ordered for you (from your son and myself) for Mother's Day arrived at your house at noon today. Due to the fear of inclement weather ruining the delicate blossoms, I called you after 3 PM, 3 hours after delivery, to make sure you received the flowers. Nothing was said upon realizing it was me on the phone and imagine my surprise at being forced to listen to a ten minute interlude describing the bouquet your other son and daughter-in-law sent you, gushing about how thoughtful it was of them to think of you and then finish it up with the afterthought, "Oh and the one you guys sent was nice too."

Next year, prepare for disappointment.

Fondly,
Your DIL

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Where's the BEEF?

MIL,
Your enthusiasm for the birthday bash was evident by your 45-minute early appearance. Newsflash - showing up early for a surprise party just because YOU wanted it to start earlier, does not in fact make it begin any earlier. It does cause me to lose it much, much earlier.

Can I ask you something? 8 devilled eggs (8 halves, 4 whole eggs) for a party of 25? Were you thinking we could hold a lottery to determine who would receive one? Many will enter, only 8 will win.

Did you notice no one responded to your ongoing monologue about being an old lady because your baby turned 40? NOT. YOUR. DAY.

You were aware I was having the party catered by your son's favorite Mexican restaurant. Because I am civil and a proper hostess, I made sure to have burgers and dogs available for your consumption. One thing I will NOT do, is steal the joy that he would have by lighting up the brand new weber grill for the very first time. JUST. WON'T. DO IT. If that means you had to wait an extra 10 minutes for your hamburger, that's a price I'm willing to pay, because it really isn't your day, is it? So just a little thank you for asking him 3 times where your hamburger is. I'm so glad the food was cooled off before he got to sample it. Maybe you could have eaten one of your nasty eggs to tide you over.


Sincerely,
the DIL

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Viva La Potato Salad

Since when was potato salad considered part of a mexican themed meal? I meant it when I said there was no need for you to bring anything. Sigh, 31 hours and counting.